Boy: Misfit:
a person who has been estranged or excluded;
unlike one's own;
special, distinguished
or different from what is ordinary or usual.
Rebel:
to resist or defy an authority
or generally accepted convention.
Prodigy:
a person with exceptional talents or powers.
Different:
not identical; separate or distinct.
Father:
the begetter of a child; male parent;
one who functions in a paternal capacity
with regard to another.
God: the first person of the Trinity;
a priest or clergyman in the Roman Catholic,
or Anglican churches;
to acknowledge responsibility for.
Spell:
to write or name, in their correct sequence,
the letters that form a word or words;
words suppos ed to have magic power;
a state of being influenced by this.
Fas cination; attraction.
Sartorial:
of or relating to a tailor, tailoring or tailored clothing.
Sartorial pulchritude:
physical beauty and appeal,
as it relates to tailored clothing.
Eccentric:
de viating from recognized customary character
or practice.
Peculiar:
queer, weird.
Dress:
clothing; apparel;
a one piece outer garment for women.
outer covering or appearance; a style of clothing.
Word:
a sound or combination of sounds that symbolizes
and communicates; something that is said;
an utterance, remark or comment;
a command or direction.
Vision:
something that is or has been seen;
the mystical experience of seeing
as if with the eyes of the supernatural,
or a supernatural being;
a person or thing of extraordinary beauty.
Girl:
a female who has not yet attained womanhood;
an unmarried young woman; a daughter; a sweetheart.
Boy:
a male child or youth;
a grown man; fellow.
Holy:
belonging to, derived from,
or associated with a divine power;
sacred.
I used to have a dream I was being chased by an angel.
I never knew what she looked like
because I was too busy running.
She couldn't have looked like my mother
because my mother is very fat.
The angel is mad at me because I seized her dress.
She told me that if I kept it
I wouldn't be able to get into Heaven.
But I didn't care.
I kept on running.
You geek brainiac!
Hey, there's a fight over here!
- Take this, smart ass! - Jack-off putz.
- Shrimp! - You pansy!
Take this, weirdo twerp!
Fall out!
Nun: Ten-hut! Battaglia!
On your feet!
Chins up, shoulders back, and...
. Catholic school is where I am...
Children:. Catholic school is where I am...
Catholic school will make me a man.
Children: Catholic school will make me a man.
Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
We love St. Anthony the most.
Catholic school is where I am.
Catholic school will make me a man.
Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
We love St. Anthony the most...
Mother Superior: Mr. Battaglia...
you know if you were more normal,
we wouldn't have to go through this so often.
Why can't you act like all the other little boys?
Huh?
Then you wouldn't have so many enemies.
You might make some friends.
So here we are,
once again faced with the unsavory prospect
of having to call your mother.
I don't like calling your mother, Bruno.
To tell you the truth,
I don't really like your mother.
Why do the two of you always insist
on inspiring such heartfelt disdain?
Can I use the bathroom?
All right.
Consolata!
Yes?
Have you finished typing up the memos
for the other sisters regarding the spelling bee?
I'm almost done.
Type faster. And get Bruno a hall pass.
And when Mrs. Battaglia gets here,
I don't want her within 50 feet of my office!
This time I mean it!
Consolata: But I can't stop her from...
- Understand? - But...
That'll be all, sister!
Come on.
Shut the door on your way out, sister.
Oh, Poppy, Poppy.
You're the Pope.
You're the top banana...
La da da.
Da da da da da da...
Bruno: Sometimes when I closed my eyes,
I could pretend I was in Heaven.
I could pretend I was with two angels,
and they were my parents.
We held hands, we laughed and had fun.
But then the father angel let go.
Why did he go, Mom?
Mom?
Mom!
Woman: Bruno, where are you?
Come on, baby, let's go.
Mommy's got bingo tonight, come on.
Sister?
- What's wrong, Bruno? - I don't know.
- Where's your mother? - I don't know.
Did everything come out all right?
- No. - It didn't?
- No. - Well, what's the matter?
It's all plugged up and cloistered.
Consolata: Oh, my God, where? Show me.
Here and here.
My God, you've gotta see the nurse.
Don't move, I'll get the pass.
You can't go in there!
Angela, if you threaten me again,
I'm calling the police.
Then do something more about those kids picking on my son.
I'm sorry, but I've done everything I can.
If Bruno wants people to stop picking on him,
he's gonna have to take matters into his own hands!
How is he supposed to do that?
By not acting like such a little sissy!
How could you be so friggin' heartless?
I'm not heartless, I'm a Catholic nun!
You don't have a Catholic bone
- in your goddamned body. - Is that a threat?
You're friggin' right, it's a threat.
That's it. I'm calling the cops.
If I were you, I'd do more than call the cops.
I'd get on this big, black phone of yours,
and I'd call the Pope!
Ta-ta.
Angela: Let's go.
Girl: Bye.
Girl: Here she comes.
Boy: She's so fat.
Bruno: Sometimes I prayed for a good angel
to come and take me away.
But no matter how hard I prayed, it never happened.
Boy: Hey, Bruno, are you a pussy?
- Boys: Pussy, pussy... - Is that your mother?
She looks like a house.
Come on, Mom.
"Come on, Mom. "
- Please. - Ignore them.
Boys: "Please. Ignore them. "
Little minds, little bodies.
Boys: "Little minds, little bodies. "
- Let's go, Mom. - Look at her waddle.
Let's watch the car tilt.
Let's see if it can move with all that weight in it.
Let's watch the ties pop.
She's going backwards! The fat fuck can't even drive.
Holy shit, run!
Run! Get out of the way!
Boy: Shit, that fat lady is crazy.
Boy: Wait till tomorrow, Bruno!
So, how was school today?
Fine.
Let's go find some beauty.
Okay.
Woman: Coronation Pink.
It just came in today.
What do you say, Ange, you want to give it a shot?
Okay.
Woman: Oh, my God, that is so you.
- What do you think? - Not bad.
So,
how's the dress business treating you?
I've got three due by Friday. I haven't started one.
Really? Oh, look...
we have lipstick too, that matches. Coronation Pink.
Look at this. Isn't it a beautiful color?
And it comes in a nice, gold tone compact
that's all faceted. I just love facets, don't you?
And we have matching nail polish.
Give me your hand.
Oh, no, I don't want to ruin your manicure.
Don't want to ruin mine, either.
Here, kid. How about it?
Guess who came in this morning?
Who?
A certain tramp...
who happens to be dating your ex-husband.
- H mmm. She buy anything? - She sure did.
What'd she get?
Nail polish.
What color?
Coronation Pink.
- What else? - A little blush.
- What color? - Coronation Pink.
She bought the polish, she bought the blush,
and she bought the lipstick.
- I'll take two of everything. - It's too overpowering.
What the hell you talking about?
That ain't overpowering.
Let's go.
- So soon? - Yeah.
Woman: What's going on? Where are you going?
What about the blush and the polish?
Angela: Charge it to the tramp.
Waiter: Hello, can I help you?
Five double burgers, with cheese and bacon, rare...
Waiter: Excuse me, ma'am, could you repeat that louder?
Five double burgers, rare, with cheese and bacon...
- Louder. - Five double burgers...
rare, with cheese and bacon! Six clam strips,
lots of tartar sauce! Three large fries, well done,
extra ketchup and two orders of mozzarella sticks!
- What do you want? - I'm not hungry.
You should eat before you go to hockey practice.
I don't want to go to hockey practice.
You have to go.
Your father's department is the team sponsor.
But I'm not any good.
That's because you never eat.
I'm not hungry.
Waiter: Excuse me, ma'am, are you finished?
Also, four extra crispy apple pies,
a la mode, warmed,
and a large diet coke.
That'll do.
Waiter: That'll be $37.50. Please drive around.
Thank you for your order.
Boy: Pass the puck around!
Coach: Where's our goalie?
Where's Battaglia?
- You missed it! - I'm open!
When you mention me to your father,
I want you to study the expression on his face
and memorize every detail and report it back to me.
But he doesn't make an expression.
Look closer, it's subtle.
Wish me luck, even though I'm gonna win tonight.
Good luck.
You, too. Bye, baby.
Bye.
- Coach: Capricci? - Here.
- Mazzaratti? - Yo!
- Ferguson? - Here.
- Mallory? - Here.
- Buchanski? - Here.
- Landy? - Here!
- Honeywell? - Here!
- Battaglia? Battaglia! - Mazzaratti: Hurry up!
- Here. - Come on, Bruno.
Bruno: Oof!
Mazzaratti: You're such a dork!
Oops!
G-9-6... no, G-6-9.
Woman: She's half in the bag.
Oh... goddamn it!
I-19.
O-65.
O-99.
No, O-66.
B-15!
B-6.
Hey, Donna Marie.
Ugh...
Oh, Christ.
Keep an eye on her. I don't want any trouble.
Donna, in case she doesn't hear when I yell "Bingo,"
I brought my lucky bell.
Let's hear it.
Is that bell legal?
Caller: N-32.
That bitch is wearing Coronation Pink!
I can't belie v e your son was married to that.
Yeah, well, I got him now.
A lot of people have had him.
I don't think that bell is legal.
There are no cowbells allowed in the bingo hall.
What about her? She's got a bell.
The only one I see is the one you're holding.
I'm surprised she ain't wearing it around her neck.
Another crack like that, I'll use it to wring your neck.
All right, that's enough! Come on, give me the bell.
No.
- Angela! - No!
She's just jealous because Dino left her for me.
Dino did not leave me for that tramp.
- Oh, yes, he did! - He was always messing around.
Who would want to be married to a fat cow like you
when he could marry a body like this?
- Whore. - Stop it.
- Donna: Elephant. - That's enough!
- Bitch. - I mean it!
- Tank. - Step aside.
Mother of God.
U h-oh.
Mother Superior: Angela...
Oh, my God, she's gonna kill me!
Woman: Bingo!
Coach: Block it!
- You think he's dead? - I don't know, kick him.
Boy: Did the puck hit him in the head, or something?
Superior: I think you'd better leave now.
But she fainted before I got to her!
Just take your cowbell and go!
Mrs. Battaglia: Donna! Wake up!
Angela: Sit down, show's over.
Donna, wake up. Oh...!
I'm gonna kill her.
Bruno: Bye, you guys. Oof!
Boy: See you later, brainiac.
I'm sorry I fell again.
Hi, baby. How was hockey practice?
Fine.
Are you going to help me tonight?
Nope.
Hello.
Did Bruno block any goals?
No, he didn't block any goals.
What'd he do?
I'd rather talk about what you did today.
What do you mean?
You know damn well what I mean.
She started it.
I'm not talking about your little...
fight with Donna Marie.
"At approximately 2:30 this afternoon
a 1970 yellow Cadillac convertible
tried to mow down a bunch of kids...
in front of St. Anthony's Catholic Grammar School. "
That wasn't me.
"Pink interior,
peacock feather down the side,
license plate, 'D-I-V-A.'"
- It was an accident. - Cut the crap, Angela.
What is in your brain? What are you thinking?
Why do you constantly humiliate and embarrass me?
Angela: You're always thinking of yourself.
What about us for a change?
I don't want Bruno anywhere near that hockey arena anymore.
And if you... if you go within
a two-mile radius of that school,
I will personally arrest you.
But we didn't hit anybody.
What is that?
- What? - What he's got on.
It's a night shirt.
No, it's not. It's a dress.
Angela: It's a nightgown.
What's he doing in a nightgown?
Going to sleep.
Dino: I thought we said no more of that stuff.
Angela: You said no more of that stuff.
What kind of little boy goes to bed in a nightgown?
One who plays hockey.
He doesn't play hockey.
Dino: And he's not gonna play anymore.
- Why not? - Because he stinks!
- He'll get better! - No, he won't.
- How can you say that? - He'll never get better!
Angela: If you were more of a father and a husband...
Dino: I'm not your husband any more, goddamn it!
I wish I never was!
- You didn't mean that. - Yes, I do.
Look at you, Angela,
Look at what you've let yourself become,
you're 450 pounds,
and your little boy is sleeping in a dress.
How do you expect me to feel?
I am through being embarrassed
and humiliated by the both of you.
Bruno: I was taught we were all born with original sin,
and may never achieve forgiveness.
I wondered what my sin was.
What book are we gonna read tonight?
I don't wanna read.
How about a couple of pages from the dictionary?
No, thank you.
It's Random House, unabridged.
No.
Don't you want to prepare for the spelling bee?
I'm prepared.
Maybe we should get you some pajamas.
Fine.
I think I'm gonna start my diet tomorrow.
- Do you think I should? - Yes.
He used to read to us...
poetry.
And he used to sing opera.
He sang us to sleep, do you remember?
No.
Good night, baby.
Good night.
Sweet dreams, baby.
Bruno: Sometimes what you wear can bring God closer to you.
But sometimes what you want to wear
can separate you from people.
Girl: Move it. Watch out.
Boy: Don't push.
Girl: Hey, remember me?
My name is Shawniqua Van Adams. What's your name?
Bruno.
I'm new here, Bruno. Do you want to be my friend?
Hey, I said, do you want to be my friend?
What are you looking at?
What are the nuns like here, anyway?
Are any of them black?
- Get him! - Hurry up!
Shawniqua: What are you doing?
Stop it!
Hey!
Stop!
Shawniqua: Stop it! Let him go!
Boy: Open the window.
Boy: What are you going to do now, Battaglia,
without your fat ass mother here to protect you?
We're really gonna drop you now.
Boy: Do it!
Shawniqua: What are you doing?
Let's drop the little geek.
- Here she comes! - Guys, guys!
Hey! What is going on?
Boy: Holy crap, it's Sister Drink A Lot!
Unh...!
He was hanging out the window.
- No, I wasn't. - Yes, you were!
That kid was hanging him.
- No, he wasn't. - Yes, he was!
I'm gonna put you on punishment.
That's plenty. That's enough from everyone.
Bruno, take your seat.
Nun: Okay, Mazzaratti, you know the drill.
And you, young lady...
I know you're new here at St. Anthony's
and it might have been permitted at your old school,
but here, we do not play "Cowboys and Indians"
in the classroom. Give me the guns.
No!
What did you say to me?
I said, no.
Nun: If you do not give me those guns,
you will have to sit in the corner
for the rest of the day, facing the wall.
And you will not be able to participate
in the spelling bee.
Good. I hate spellin'.
Nun: First of all, it's not "spellin'."
It has a "g" on the end of it.
It's not "spellin'," it's spelling.
"I hate spelling. "
Well, I ain't spell-ing 'caus e I ain't giving you my guns.
A- I-N-T, ain't.
Give me the guns.
I said, no.
If you do not give me those guns,
you are going to be very, very sorry.
Phew!
Not as sorry as you look.
O- kay.
Consolata!
Bruno: In the beginning, there was the Word
and the Word was God.
I used to believe that if I knew all the words,
I could talk to God, and God could talk to me.
But the more words I learned,
the further away from God I seemed to get.
Predacious. P- R-E-
D- A-S-
I- O-U-S. Predacious.
That is incorrect.
Bruno, it's your turn.
The word, once again, "predacious. "
Predacious.
P- R-E-D-A-
C- I-O-U-S.
- Predacious. - That is correct.
Patricia, it's your turn.
Your word is "apocalypse,"
as in Francis Ford Coppola's
"Apocalypse Now. " Apocalypse.
Shawniqua: Ha ha ha ha!
You ain't never gonna catch me!
Apocalypse.
A- P-P-
O- C-
Shawniqua: Hey! Hey, stop!
Knock it off.
I told you so. Keep your hands up.
L- Y-P-S-E. Apocalypse.
That is incorrect.
Shawniqua: Don't mess with me. I mean it.
Move it!
Bruno: Sometimes on Earth you can find something
that resembles a little piece of Heaven.
And sometimes, on Earth,
a little piece of Heaven can find you.
Hi, Bruno, remember me?
Yeah.
Did you eat your lunch up there?
Yeah.
- Guess where I ate mine? - Mother Superior's office.
Hey, that's right. She took my hat...
but I hid my guns under my skirt.
Do you like guns?
No.
How'd the spelling bee go?
Fine. I won.
I knew it. I knew you were smart
the minute I laid eyes on you.
Hey, where are you going?
Bruno, do you want to walk a dog with me after school?
No.
Don't you want to be my friend?
- No, I don't. - Why?
Because you're too flamboyant.
I don't want another flamboyant woman in my life.
- I'm just expressing myself. - Do it someplace else.
What are you doing, you little faggot?
Goddamn it, I'm gonna have to kill you.
Leave him alone!
Back off, nigger.
- Don't call her a nigger. - What'd you say to me, faggot?
- Don't call her a nigger! - You're dead, Ba-fag-lia.
There's a fight over here.
- Faggot. - Drop him, Eddie!
Boy: Hit him where it hurts, Eddie.
Cut it out! Get off.
I mean it!
- Nun: Fall in! - It's the Sarge!
Boy: Go home, you stupid weirdo.
Mr. Battaglia.
Here we are once again. And Miss Van Adams.
Why doesn't this surprise me?
Didn't they teach you where you came from
never to pick on kids weaker than yourself?
I wasn't picking on him!
Oh, no?
Then what were you doing on top of him?
I was protecting him!
Superior: You expect me to believe that?
Why not?
What do you have to say about this, young man?
Okay.
Okay, what?
Okay, I'll be your friend.
Oh, God.
Bruno: Daddy pine cone!
Another dad pine cone.
- Do you like Diana Ross? - I like Maria Callas.
Yeah, she's nice, but when I move
to be a cowboy, I'm taking Diana with me.
- You can come, too. - Okay. I'll bring Maria.
Shawniqua: Hey, do you sing?
Bruno: No, but my dad used to.
He did?
- But he doesn't sing anymore. - That's too bad.
Bruno: Do you think the tops of the trees touch Heaven?
Shawniqua: I don't know, I've never been up that high.
Hey, do you smoke?
No, do you?
No, it's bad for you.
My mom says it turns your soul black.
What's wrong with a black soul?
Nothing.
Oh, I'm cold.
Wanna wear my pants?
What? You mean switch?
Sure, I'll trade you my pants for your skirt.
- Do you want to? - Okay. Come on.
This is where we're gonna make the switch.
Do we have to go in here? Grave yards scare me.
Well, they don't scare me. Come on, Bruno,
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Stick close to me. I've got you covered.
Cowboys are very good at protecting people,
and I'm the best cowboy there is.
So don't you worry, Bruno.
Anything jumps out at you, I'll get 'em.
And besides, dead people can't hurt you.
After they die they be come angels,
and angels are nice.
- Not all of them. - How do you know?
Have you ever seen one?
Yeah.
You have?
Yeah, lots of them.
Are any of the angels black?
What?
Are any of the angels black?
I knew it.
Hey, look. That's where we're gonna change.
No, not in there.
Come on.
Shawniqua: I hate dresses,
except for my Communion dress, and that's holy.
- A holy dress? - Mm-hmm.
I have dreams about holy dresses. Angels wear them.
Shawniqua: Those are holy vestments.
They are? I have a holy doll.
It's an angel. My mother made it for me.
Shawniqua: I don't like dolls,
but I wouldn't mind if it was an angel.
Oh, it's freezing in here. Come on.
Now, let's go.
Hurry up, we got a dog to walk.
Why?
- Gotta make some money. - I get an allowance
for helping my mom make dresses.
That's how I get my money.
You do?
Shawniqua: Mrs. Draco, are you alive?
Hello?
Heel, Baby, heel!
About face, Baby! About face!
Bad dog, naughty Baby.
No, no, no, no!
What is going on here?
Did you scare my Baby?
No, Baby tried to scare my friend.
Don't be afraid. Baby is an angel,
aren't you, sweetie?
Okay, make sure you take him
past his favorite fire hydrant.
Off you go.
Shawniqua: Come on, Baby.
Bye, girls.
Bye.
Shawniqua: Heel, Baby!
You can't show fear. They smell it,
and then they get scared. That's why he growled.
- He didn't seem very scared. - Well, he was.
- Here, take the leash. - No.
If you don't take it, I'm letting go.
See, if you don't show fear, you can do anything.
Shawniqua: Now tell him to lift his leg.
Come on in. Now, don't you be scared.
Wow! Is that your mother?
- Yeah. - How old is she?
34.
How's she get so big?
- Surplussage. - What's that?
She eats a lot.
- What does she eat? - She's on a diet now.
She is?
She's gonna be skinny real soon.
- What's your mom like? - My mom's dead.
She is?
She died of breast cancer.
Her name was Brudell, she was beautiful.
Who takes care of you? Your dad?
No, my dad lives in China.
Who takes care of you?
My brother Henry.
He runs a make up and hair salon.
He likes Maria Callas, too.
- He does? - U m-hmm.
Close your eyes.
And he owns a Pontiac Firebird.
It's magenta.
Lipstick.
Go like this.
Hmmm, fierce.
Do you think it's okay that I wear dresses?
Why not? I wear pants.
But that's different.
No, it's not.
We're both just free spirits
trying to express ourselves.
Well,
this is very flamboyant.
Shawniqua: I'm a bad angel disguised as a cowboy!
Stay down, Baby! Stay, Baby!
Be a good dog! Be good!
No!
Medic: Little girl hit by a car!
She just ran into the street.
Grandmother's on the way.
Woman: I barely had enough time to hit the brakes!
Doctor: What do you got?
Heart rate's 110, BP 80 over 50, 12 rest.
- Level of consciousness? - Unconscious.
Okay, let's prepare to move. On my count...
Ready? One, two, three, go.
- Thank you very much. - Very good.
- Blood pressure? - It's dropping.
Pupils are fixed and dilated.
We got a concussion.
She wearing a wig? Take this off.
Get the dress off, too.
Oh, it's a little boy.
Prepare for a C T scan. Call Radiology.
I want a full cervical and spinal series.
Nurse: Right.
Make it portable. Check the oxygen, please.
Why can't you be more normal?
No sissies in Heaven.
- What's going on here? - Pussy!
...very, very sorry.
Hey, Bruno, you pussy.
As long as you don't show fear, you can do anything!
Doctor: Mrs. Battaglia?
I'm Dr. Pike.
Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna faint.
- Watch out. - Ouch!
- Oh, sorry. - How is he?
He's gonna be okay.
Oh, thank God.
Hey.
What the hell is that?
A wig. Thank God he was wearing it.
He was wearing a wig?
We had to discard the dress.
Oh, my God.
Believe it or not, the wig helped minimize the boy's injury.
He just has a mild concussion, it's nothing serious.
Where is he? Can I see him?
No, he's resting right now.
We want to keep him overnight for observation,
but he'll be able to go home in the morning.
If you want to see him you'll be able to
if you don't mind hanging around for a while.
Okay, thank you.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Dino, where in the hell are you going?
- Home. - Listen to me... Dino!
Mrs. Battaglia?
Is he all right?
You can see your son now.
- Thank you so much. - Fourth door on the right.
Thank you.
Shawniqua: I'm glad you're okay.
My daddy tanned my hide real good
because you got hit by that car.
I thought you said your dad was in China?
Give me another word.
Abom-in-able?
Abominable.
A- B-O-M-I-N-A-B-L-E. Abominable.
That is correct.
Did it hurt?
Yes.
It always does.
Hey, Delores.
Hey, kids.
Hey, Delores.
Well, if it ain't the little resurrected accident victim.
How was your brush with death?
Fine.
Why, did you see God?
No, but I saw angels.
Did you see my Auntie Francie?
No.
Should he be walking around?
He's fine. He's going back to school tomorrow,
but I told him he could have an early Easter present.
Ooh, a present! For surviving death, huh?
Yeah.
What are you gonna get?
- Pajamas. - And a dress.
A dress?
He can only wear it in the house
and only for a little while,
because he's getting to be a big boy.
I know lots of big boys who wear dresses.
You remember Jose? He was wearing a dress...
What?
Man: Yo, Mr. Mazzaratti, how ya doin'?
Delores: You remember Jose? He lived down the street from you...
Hold on, Eddie, hold on.
Delores: Oh, I see. Jose's colorful,
there's nothing wrong with that. Everybody likes Jose.
He's a great guy. It's okay to wear dresses.
Come on, Dad, let's go.
Delores: Hey, Bruno.
I think this calls for a little fragrance.
- What do you say? - What is it?
Eau de Celeste.
The scent of Heaven.
Yeah.
- You like it? - Yeah.
Come on, Mom, let's go find some beauty.
- Hey, come on. - All right.
- Yeah, in here. - You're the boss.
Oh, come on, Mom.
Okay, that should do it. Call if you need anything.
Okay.
This is the one.
Is this what you saw in Heaven?
Kind of. Almost. It's the closest.
Good.
Cash or charge, Ange?
Charge it to Dino.
Good.
This is going to have to be a little higher,
maybe about that size.
We're gonna have to drape it over.
You read my mind about the shoulder.
- I got the perfect color. - We have to make this shorter,
and we're going to make it flow like this,
and we're gonna cut it on the bias,
because that makes it flow better.
- Okay. - That's the whole point,
but I think this is the wrong fabric.
Easy.
I picked it myself.
We're going to need more sequins here.
That's good, I like that.
We're going to have this like this,
and pull this out, and pull it over there.
It's gonna be a lot shorter, though.
Okay.
If we take this and make this part of the wing...
- Wait, hold this like this. - That's good.
Did Delores help you pick that out?
Welcome...
to St. Anthony's 58th Annual Spelling Bee.
The winner of this bee will go on to compete
in the regional competition next month.
The winner of the regional will go on
to the state competition.
The winner of that bee will go
to the National Catholic Spelling Championship
in Washington, D C.
the winner of the National Catholic Spelling Championship
will fly, all expenses paid,
to the Vatican City, in Rome,
where he, or she,
will have a private audience
with Pope John Paul II.
So, let's all bow our heads in a silent prayer
as our little candidates step onto the stage.
Superior: That's enough!
All right, that's enough.
The next one to make a sound will be expelled forever.
Expelled from school and Heaven... forever.
Now, will our first contestant please step up to the mic?
Our first word is "parsimonious. "
As in, "The Catholic Church
is never parsimonious. "
Parsimonious. P- A-R-
S- I-M-
O- N-
E- U-S. Parsimonious.
That is incorrect.
Will the second contestant step up to the microphone?
Get him.
What the hell is he doing in a dress?
Expressing myself.
Besides, it's not a dress, it's a holy vestment.
Shut up.
No, I will not shut up!
I'm going to continue to express myself!
You say angels help us. Well, I believe that.
They give me power with my dresses!
Besides, Scotsmen wear dresses,
they're called kilts.
King Tut wore a skirt as most men in Egypt did,
a skirt of tufted wool.
The Dalai Lama wears robe dresses,
as have all of his predecessors.
Greek charioteers wore short paneled skirts.
The Siamese kings wore dresses.
The Chinese Emperor Yao wore a Pau styled robe,
much like the kimono, but more flared out at the bottom.
Now...
this was also worn...
by high ranking women, with fringes at the bottom!
- That'd be good for you, Mom. - Easy.
Muslim men wear dresses.
H ungarian cowboys wear dresses.
Men in Africa wear dresses.
Angels wear dresses. Even the Pope wears a dress.
All great masters wear dresses.
Are you going to call up the Pope
and tell him not to wear his dress?
He's right, the Pope does wear a dress.
You're pathetic. Both of you.
Go sit down.
I us ed to think Dino left you for that tramp, Donna Marie,
because you got fat. But you're more than fat,
you're insane. You're both insane!
Dino did not leave me for that tramp.
- Oh, yes, he did! - He still loves me.
No, he doesn't! They're engaged.
And nobody loves you, Angela. Nobody!
Now...
...when you go to the regionals,
you're going in a suit and tie. Have I made myself clear?
- He's engaged? - I'm going to the regionals?
You're going all the way to the Pope.
If you try and do it in a dress,
I'll rip it off your sweet little ass myself.
Bruno: Come on, Mom.
- Did you hear that? - Let's go, Mom.
- Gotcha! - Happy Easter, homo!
- Come on, Mom. - Bull's-eye!
Come on, come on. Let's go!
Get in the car.
Oh, no!
Bruno: Run faster, Mom.
Come on, Mom, they're throwing eggs.
Bitch, come on out!
Come on, Mom, you just got to start the car.
You fat bitch!
Come on, you fat pig.
Mom, please, help!
- Please, get away. - Start it!
Get off!
Boy: You little faggot.
- Mom, just go faster! - Get off!
Kids: Get her!
Hey, Murph,
tomorrow's my boy's birthday.
No kidding, whatcha getting him?
I'm thinking about getting him a dress.
Dispatch: Any unit respond...
- You gonna be all right? - Yeah.
Dispatch:... possible hit and run.
Hysterical female driver left the scene.
1970 Cadillac, yellow convertible
License plates, 'D-I-V-A.' Parked at residence.
Mrs. Battaglia: Stop that sissy singing.
Oh, Mom, I want to sing with the angels.
No son of mine is going to grow up to be an opera singer.
You're going to make something of yourself.
- Give me my record. - No.
- Give it to me. - No, I said!
- Stop it! - Stop what? You're a sissy.
- I'm not a sissy. - You are a sissy.
No, don't say that. Don't call me that.
Here you go, ma'am.
Where's Dino? Where's my husband?
I need Dino! I need him!
- He's on another call. - I need Dino!
He's back at the station, Angela.
- I need him, Benny. - He didn't want to come.
- I need him! - I tried.
- Please! - Angela, calm down.
- Please! - I tried. I tried!
How could you do this to me?
You gotta get my husband.
You gotta get him. You gotta get my husband.
He won't come.
- Mrs. Battaglia. - Just get him.
Please, please, please.
- You gotta get him. - Angela, please.
You gotta get my...
Angela?
Mom!
Dino...!
Didn't your mommy get you shoes to match the dress?
Shut up.
Mr. Battaglia?
She's had a mild heart attack.
She's okay, but we're going to keep her here for a while.
About a week.
What about the kid?
Come on. I've had enough.
Where the hell do you think you're going?
- Home. - What about him?
What about him?
This boy needs a father, Dino.
What the hell would you know
about what a little boy needs?
Come on.
Can I please see my mom?
I'm sorry, son, she's sleeping right now.
Maybe tomorrow, okay?
I'll let you know when she's stable.
Next thing we're gonna do is get you the hell out of that dress.
Hey! Hey, kid!
- Man: Hey, move already! - Up yours!
You are gonna be so sorry
when I finally get my hands on you!
I'm gonna make such a man out of you!
Slow down!
Sorry, kid, but don't screw with me.
Bruno: What are you going to do with that?
Your father's father ran the Star Barbershop on Market Street.
When he died, I had to take over.
People came from miles around for one of my haircuts.
Mm-hmm.
I have a fresh shirt for you
and a pair of pants for school tomorrow.
I'm going to school tomorrow?
Of course you're going to school tomorrow.
It does not matter how many words you know how to spell,
there's always more to learn.
You're going to make something of yourself. Good night.
Good night, Helen.
Helen: Breakfast will be on the table in the morning.
I'll see you after school.
Son!
What are you doing here?
Your kid... he didn't come home from school today.
He's not at Angela's house. He's not at my house.
I thought maybe you would know where he would be.
Try looking in the girls' department at Levy Brothers.
Don't be a smart ass. I need your help.
Why should I help?
Because he's your boy.
He's a sissy.
That's what he is. He's a goddamned little sissy.
Just like me...
...remember?
You're not a sissy, Dino.
Find him yourself.
You're looking good.
Thanks.
How are you feeling?
Fine.
Is there anything I can get for you?
No.
So what did the doctor say? When are you getting out?
I don't know. Next week.
So, has Bruno been around?
Not today yet.
Where does the kid like to hang out
in case he's sad, or something?
He doesn't hang out anywhere. He stays at home.
Okay, gotta go.
Helen?
I'm letting go of Dino.
I'm letting go of your son.
Helen?
I mean it.
Good.
Bye.
Boy: Hey, guys, there's a fight over here.
You'd better come look at this.
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
What going on here?
- You okay, kid? - Yeah.
Go ahead. Now...
does anybody here know a Bruno Battaglia?
Who wants to know?
Never mind. Has anybody seen him lately?
What's it to you, Butch?
Listen, you shit-eating dickhead,
I asked you a question!
- I haven't seen him. - What is your name, kid?
- Eddie Mazzaratti. - Well, Eddie Mazzaratti,
if you should happen to see Bruno Battaglia,
you tell him Helen is looking for him!
You got it? Have you got it?
- Yes. - Okay! Who's next?
Boys: Run! Run!
Guys, get me down from here!
Hey, kid!
Come on, kid, let's go home.
Come on!
Why do you want to be a little girl?
I don't want to be a little girl.
What do you want to be, then?
An etymologist.
What the hell is that?
A scientist of the derivation of words,
as to the history of logistic forms.
Whatever.
Why do you want to wear these dresses?
Well, they're not dresses. They're holy vestments.
They give me power.
What kind of power?
Well, the kind of power that you have.
The power to be mean.
But when you wear thes e holy vestment dresses,
people want to kill you.
I don't care.
You don't care?
No. I'm not afraid of death.
You're not?
No.
I like that.
That, I like.
You know, for a little boy who wears dresses,
you've got a hell of a set of balls, kid.
I know.
Want a shot of whiskey?
Okay.
Here's to you, wearing your holy dresses,
and to being you, whatever the hell that might be.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Ahem...
You mind if I smoke?
No.
But it's gonna turn your soul black.
Whatever.
Listen, if you're going to continue wearing dresses
you and I are going to have to teach you
how to protect yourself.
Um-hmm.
The point of this game is
you're supposed to hit me before I hit you.
Okay? Have you got it?
Put up your dukes!
Hello.
Oh, you're Shawniqua Van Adams.
Where are your parents?
My mommy's dead
and my daddy lives in Afghanistan.
Who takes care of you?
My brother, Henry. He graduated college.
Oh, he's one of us.
You're big.
You're black.
Helen: The more glitter the better.
Henry: It's very Diana.
If we're gonna do Diana, we're gonna do Diana bigger.
Bruno: The more glitter, the more glamour.
Henry: Miss Ross, eat your heart out.
Hand me another needle and give me the buttonhole thread.
Mom, I have to sew the zipper on by hand.
Careful of the sequins, Helen.
Are you gonna cut the fabric on the crossgrain or the grain?
- Crossgrain. - Good, I can get a crossgrain.
We have to make every single
buck I've invested pay off.
This hat's never gonna do.
I wonder if I should relax that wig?
Do you like the wig, Bruno?
Bruno, what do you think of the wig?
It's good.
Helen: I think we'd better tease it higher.
Good.
Fluff it.
Good afternoon...
and welcome to the Manhattan competition
of the 33rd Annual
National Catholic Spelling Championship.
Nun: All of our little boys and girls have worked
very hard to represent their schools.
And we are very proud of them.
But only one from this district will get to go on
to compete in the state competition next week.
So... let's give a warm round of applause
to the smartest little girls and boys
from District 79.
Boy: It's a boy!
Yay, Bruno. You go.
Don't.
Get out of my way.
Don't do to him what I did to you.
He wants to sing.
Let him.
Let your son sing.
Nun: What the heck do you think you're doing?
Come over here.
Let him go.
I said, let him go.
You don't let him go, you'd better start praying.
Now, for those of you who don't know it,
this is a little boy, a little boy in a dress.
Anybody got a problem with that can leave.
May I please have my wig back now?
Give the kid his hair.
Bruno: Sometimes when you least expect it,
a miracle happens.
And people be come elucidated.
They understand.
Now let's start this friggin' bee.
Will the first contestant please stand up?
Reporter: Bruno, wait, just a few questions.
- Make it quick. - Why do you wear a dress?
- Don't tell them. - How did it feel to win in a dress?
Good.
Do you plan to wear a dress to the next one?
That's enough of that.
- One photo. - All right, one photo.
Hold up your trophy. Higher, kid, higher.
Show them what you're made of.
Great, that's it. Are you from "Hard Copy"?
Oh, God, help me.
Helen: We need to make you royal.
- More meretricious. - Yeah, more of that.
And more regal and more royal, too.
- That's what I said. - Yeah, whatever.
Bruno: Sovereign.
Splendid, like you, Helen.
I'm imperious.
- That'll work. - Magnificent.
- Superb! - Lavish!
- Munificent! - Outrageous!
Helen: I crown thee, Bruno, Queen of the Bees.
Bruno rules.
Woman: Here they come!
- Look this way into the camera. - Where's your father?
- Who makes your dresses? - Are you ready for fame, kid?
Well, it's ready for you. Let's move.
Out of the way of the kid.
Don't mess with the kid or the dress.
Are you from "Hard Copy"?
Watch out! Give us some room!
Do not touch the dress.
- That's my son! - Come on, Angela.
Do you have time for an interview?
All right, quick.
Would you mind stepping up?
Okay, hike it up.
I'm standing here with Bruno Battaglia,
the 8-year-old, cross-dressing
spelling bee champion, dressed like a queen,
formerly from Queens, and some might say
he is a little queen.
Nope.
Okay, well, Bruno, can you at least tell us
how did you come to want to wear dresses?
It came to me in a dream.
Could you describe this dream for us?
- Uh, no. - Mrs. Battaglia!
What's it like seeing your son in drag?
I think it is absolute beauty.
He looks a hell of a lot better than you do.
Aren't you afraid of what might happen to you
if you keep wearing dresses?
No.
What if you lose? Will you continue to wear dresses?
I'm not gonna lose.
Yeah.
- Where's your father? - No.
You don't ask that kind of question. That's private.
What about the planned protest?
The religious right says they're going to form
a human barricade in Washington to stop you.
Nope, nobody's going to stop us.
Nobody. Get that clear.
Hey, Bruno, are you gay?
I said, are you gay?
You know what I taught you. Go get the little dickhead.
Kick his ass, Eddie, come on!
Ha!
This is Shelia Ribando Fire, reporting that Bruno Battaglia
has just won the right
to go all the way to Washington DC in a dress.
Bob and Sue, back to you.
- Are you all right, Mom? - Yeah. You?
Yeah.
"Wear a dress. Go to hell!"
Nice outfit. Like it.
You should be ashamed!
Officer: Back those people up.
This way, folks.
Hello, everyone, welcome.
Well, hello, Bruno, we've been waiting for you.
Thank you.
What a very nice outfit.
Thank you.
Right this way. Sister Mary Vivianna will show you in.
She has seats for all of you.
You come with me, Bruno.
Mary Vivianna: Come along, now.
Sit down.
I can't believe this.
Okay, children, wait here for the curtain.
Boy: Where's he going?
O- kay.
Host: Welcome to the 33rd Annual
National Catholic Spelling Competition.
We have with us today
20 of the top Catholic spellers
from all over the country.
Only one will win an all expense paid trip
to the Vatican City in Rome,
and a private audience with Pope John Paul II.
So have a warm welcome for all our contestants.
Girl: Is he okay?
Nun: Everybody back in line. Here we go.
Host: Will the first contestant
please step up to the microphone?
The first word is "filiciform. "
Boy: Filiciform. Definition, please.
"Shaped like a fern, or fern frond. "
Can I have the language of origin?
Latin.
- Can you repeat it? - Filiciform.
Filiciform. F- E-
L- I-
C- I-
F- O-R-M.
Filiciform.
That is incorrect. Filiciform is
F- I-L-I-
C- I-F-O-R-M.
Next contestant.
"Penury. "
Does this word mean poverty?
Or scantiness.
Would you please use it in a sentence?
"Emma could not understand
why Jane chose the mortification
of Mrs. Elton's notice...
and the penury of her conversation
rather than return to those who loved her
with real, generous affection. "
Penury.
P- E...
N...
U- R...
...Y. Penury.
Correct.
She was good.
Next contestant...
Is that the correct pronunciation?
Next contestant...
- ... Y, Vinify. - That's incorrect.
Next contestant.
"Lederhosen. "
Host: Do you need the definition?
Knee length leather trousers
worn especially in Bavaria?
Lederhosen.
L- E-D-E-R
H- O-S-E-N.
Lederhosen.
Host: That is correct.
Next contestant...
...B-I-F-Y.
- Pompousness. - That is correct.
May I please have the language of origin?
- Next contestant. - Is that word from the Greek?
- Vociferate. - That's incorrect.
May I have the part of speech for that word?
That is incorrect.
Bye bye.
...M-E-R-M-Y-D-O-N.
Next contestant.
- That is incorrect. - Am I hearing these words correctly?
Repetition of the word, please.
...E-S-C-E...
- Could you repeat the word? - ... Acquiesce.
That's incorrect.
Next contestant.
"Typhlology. "
Typhlology.
May I please have the definition?
Typhlology is the scientific study of blindness.
Girl: Would you use it in a sentence?
"Researchers in typhlology have found
that certain nutritional deficiencies
can result in the clouding
and softening of the cornea. "
Am I hearing this word correctly?
- Um-hmm. - Come on.
T- Y-
P- H-
L- O-G-
Y.
Typhlology.
That is incorrect.
Typhlology is T-Y-P-H-
L- O-L-O-G-Y.
Final contestant, please.
If Bruno Battaglia spells this word correctly,
he will be the winner and champion
of the 33rd Annual National Catholic
Spelling Competition.
The word is "melanocomous. "
Whoa.
Melanocomous?
Having dark or black hair.
- Melanocomous. - Like you.
Yeah.
Could you please use that in a sentence?
"From Greenland, all the the way to Polynesia,
we have encountered nothing but
- melanocomous people. " - Melanocomous?
Can I please have the language of origin?
Greek.
Can I please have the part of speech?
This is an adjective.
Melanocomous.
M- E-
L- A...
N-
Can I please...
Can you please tell me where I left off?
You may start over again if you like.
I'll start over.
Excuse me.
M- E-
L- A-N-
O-
C- O-
M- O-
U- S. Melanocomous.
That is correct!
Oh!
Bruno!
- You're the best! - That's my baby.
Reporter: Have you ever been on a plane before?
Do you know what you're going to say to the Pope?
Man: Love the suit, kid.
- Are you ready, baby? - Yeah.
Me and my mom are going to Rome.
Oh, great.
- Be cool, Bruno. - You, too, Henry.
Helen: Ahem...!
So... you're gonna give them hell, kid.
Yup.
And don't forget to wear the sash.
I sewed that myself.
Give me a hug.
See ya, Grandma.
Yeah. Whatever.
Go.
Angela: Thanks, Helen.
Come on, we're going to Rome.
Bruno, wait.
I want to give you this.
You look fierce.
Could I please have a moment alone with my dad?
I just wanted to say good luck...
and I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'll be here when you get back.
All right.
Come on, Bruno.
Bruno: Sometimes when we feel
we're being chased in our nightmares,
we find we're really just chasing ourselves.
I used to have a dream I was being chased by an angel.
And he shall reign forever and ever.
King of kings...
Forever, and ever.
Hallelujah, hallelujah.
And Lord of lords...
Forever, and ever.
Hallelujah, hallelujah.
King of kings...
Forever, and ever.
Hallelujah, hallelujah.
And Lord of lords...
Grace: state of being protected
or sanctified by the favor of God.
Voice: the sound produced
by the vocal organs of a vertebrate
especially those of a human being;
a medium or agency of expression;
the right or opportunity to express a choice or opinion.
Beauty: a pleasing quality
associated with harmony of form or color;
excellence of craftsmanship;
truthfulness, originality,
or another often unspecifiable property.
Fat: the glyceride ester
of a fatty acid;
a solidified animal or vegetable oil;
plumpness or obesity;
the best or most desirable part of something;
having much too much fat or flesh;
plump or obese;
abounding in desirable elements.
Friend: a person whom one knows,
likes, and trusts;
a person with whom one is allied
in a struggle or cause;
a comrade;
one who supports, sympathizes with
or patronizes a group cause or movement.
Heaven: the sky or universe as seen from Earth;
the abode of God, the angels
and the souls of those who are granted salvation.
Parent: a father or mother;
a guardian; protector.
Victim: one who is made to suffer loss.
Nun: a woman who belongs to a religious order,
devoted to religious service or meditation,
usually under vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.
Strange: unusual; curious; odd.
Abominable: thoroughly unpleasant
or disagreeable.
Virtue: moral excellence
and righteousness; goodness;
chastity, especially of a girl or woman;
a particularly efficacious good or beneficial quality.
Advantage: one of the orders of angels.
Deviate: to turn or move increasingly away
from a specified course or prescribed mode of behavior.
Quandary: a state of perplexity;
a difficult situation.
Pope: the Bishop of Rome
and the head of the Roman Catholic Church,
acting as Vicar of Christ on earth;
a figure considered to have unquestioned authority.
Unique: being the only one of its kind;
being without an equal or equivalent; unparalleled.
Mother: a female parent.
Freak: an unusual object, product,
animal, or person on exhibition
as an example of a strange deviation;
a sudden and apparently causeless change
or turn of events;
a person of unwitting courage and bravery;
a rebel; a wonder;
an angel.